i've thought long and hard these last few weeks about what to do here at tummymuffin.net. i know some of you who come here do so because you have been following this journey for a long time. i know some of you who come here do so because you were sent to hear an honest voice talking about the thorny, twisting road of infertility and pregnancy loss. and i think that even though i'm now experiencing the fulfilled hope of a longtime dream, the story is far from over. i'm realizing that just as pregnancy after loss is very different, so is motherhood after loss: truly, i have paid for it in the "coin of pain." i would not have chosen this way, yet i am grateful for the multilayered depths of patient love the waiting has given to me i would not otherwise have.
as i write this, i'm looking at my new son's tiny napping face as he decides
whether to keep dreaming his baby dreams or to open his clear blue eyes
and experience more of this brand-new world. i know i cannot keep dreaming my old dreams; i need to trust that my experience of this terrifying and exhilarating new world can still be honest and hope-giving for you, wherever you are on your journey.
by Carol Lynn Pearson
The rose bush
Bear her bud --
Such an easy,
At that moment
The sweet myth were true --
That I could
As you breathe,
That was mine
(Gently in the
Of my arms),
The easy gift
Is easy to forget.
But what is bought
With coin of pain
Is dearly kept.
thanks to my beloved sister for sharing this poem with me.
adventures in family-making, hope and love...while trying to find my way through pregnancy, infertility, loss, miscarriage, and motherhood.
Monday, April 23, 2012
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