Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Week Nine

currently, a very typical conversation:
Person Who Loves Me And Cares About Me: How are you feeling?
Me, Feeling Perpetually Like The Pukey Exhaustion Truck Hit Me: Absolutely terrible.
Loving, Caring Person: THAT'S WONDERFUL!

this gestational diabetes is a blessing in the disguise of No More White Rice, i tell you, because it forces me to eat every two to three hours whether i want to or not. despite rationally knowing the barfy feeling will recede if i just put food in my mouth, it is very hard to otherwise motivate oneself to prepare food when one feels like one has been riding on a tiny boat in very rough seas. speaking of which, my daily blood sugar numbers are apparently pleasing to the Dietician/Nurse Powers That Be, so all is well so far in that arena.
i tried to skip naptime one day and paid dearly for it that evening. after dragging around the house and then flolloping on the couch making small moaning noises, the husbanator appeared with a big giant "10" written on the iPad and said i was totally winning for Utter Patheticness. i laughed so hard i fell off the couch and decided to just go to bed.
besides, naptimes are the one time during the day that i practice loving Tummymuffin IV. not that i don't at other times, but it's way too emotionally fraught to sustain excitement, affection, or even hopefulness without it straying too close to the jagged boundaries of fear and anxiety. but when i'm drifting into that relaxed alpha state, hands cupped over my expanding pelvis, i can let go and love this small person growing inside of me. it helps that i have an image; my thoughtful ob/gyn mailed me the last ultrasound printouts (the printer was broken at the time) and sure enough, there IS a waving arm, absolutely clear. and little froglike proto-legs. it was kind of a game changer to see TM4 so...real baby-like. the joy and pleasure at seeing those images bloomed inside automatically, without any strings attached, and it was relief to know i can still feel that way about a pregnancy, even if just for a few moments.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh e. e. e.

oh my.

how wonderful that you're feeling so terrible. indeed.

congratulations....and may your little bean feel our support and hear our cheers from here in seattle.

xo michelle

Jenn P. said...

Thinking of you day and night, Friend. Thanks for allowing us to share the downs and ups.

Kimberly said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

grins and hugs!!

KDMK

hadashi said...

i'd give you all a huge big strong hug, but my lovely bosoms hurt way too much. ;) thanks!

Jenni / Jennifer Saake a.k.a. InfertilityMom said...

I've got to get better at checking blogs in a timely fashion! It's not that I'm not thinking of you and praying, it's just that I forget to come check until I'm falling asleep at night or other equally computer-inaccessible moments! Here you are, almost week 10 and I'm just catching up on #9. Absolutely love the update post for everything from the 10 for patheticness and laughing yourself off the couch, to the tender picture of you falling asleep actively loving on your sweet baby.
I may be away from my computer for a few days so I probably will be late in catching your next update again, but I'm especially bathing you in prayer as you approach the landmark of week 10. {{{hugs}}}