sometime between Monday (24th) night and Tuesday morning (25th), Tummymuffin quietly disappeared. the grief is crushing and primal, but still there is this deep peace of God that is keeping us afloat. the image that brings me the most comfort is that my grandmother must even now be cradling her (yes, i think Tummymuffin was a her).
i'm deliberately posting this on Thanksgiving Day, because we have so much to be grateful for. we are thankful that we know i can get pregnant. we are thankful that we were parents for nine heady, wondrous weeks. we are thankful that i am physically okay, with no complications. and we are thankful that we have a strong community of friends and family that can and will support us -- and already are.
i have no regrets about sharing the happiness of Tummymuffin with all of you when i did; i'm sorry i now must share the sadness too. i know miscarriage is not uncommon; very likely many of you have had this experience, and i need your feedback now more than ever. as for this blog, i'm not going to take it down -- i may continue to post, and we definitely have faith that there will be a Tummymuffin II. it's hard for me to think too far ahead; right now life is moving on, but only a day at a time. sometimes just an hour at a time.
oh my little Tummymuffin, you brought so much joy in your tiny life to so many; for this i will be forever grateful to you. you were this glowing, amazing, invisible reality within me, and i hope to never forget what astonishing wonder that was. goodbye...