thank you, everyone, for all of your calls, e-mails, and comments expressing your prayers, support, and love for us. it has made an immense amount of difference in getting through this last week.
i will admit, although each day gets easier, it has been a challenge to know how to honestly acknowledge the loss and yet also move forward. it is difficult to move into the holiday season and realise that our expectations for what it would've been like, as expectant parents, are not going to happen. and because this experience has so colored every hour of the last week, it has been odd knowing how to answer the question "how are you doing? " or "what's new with you?" from people who didn't know about Tummymuffin at all. it's been also interesting for me to realise that i am, by default, a fairly happy person, and that processing grief is a complex experiment in emotional volatility. this isn't the first crisis/bad times i've ever had -- but i think it may be the most personal, by far.
i've returned all the baby books to the library, put the maternity clothes into the garage (yes, i already had some), and have started to accept that i'm back to the hopefulness/waiting stage again for getting pregnant. Thomas & I will be taking a "personal retreat" next week to the nearby mountains, thanks to the generosity of some friends who have a cabin there, to recharge and regroup. one of the positives about this whole experience is how much closer it has brought us together, and we feel like it has strengthened our relationship already.
even though it's quite premature, i've already -- for my own sanity, anyway -- already started wondering what i should do/will do with the next pregnancy: i guess i won't be so "innocent" anymore. i wonder if i will want to tell more people about it sooner, or if i will be gunshy until the 9 week mark has passed. if any of you have experienced the loss of a baby, and then had a successful pregnancy afterwards, i'd like to know how you navigated what seems to me might be a possible emotional minefield.
again, thanks for all the notes of encouragement, love, support, and prayer. we are so blessed to have you in our lives.